Make Way Now

There is a provocative saying about marriage to the effect that men, who say they will change, never do, and that women, who say they will never change, always do. In the 1700's in the Arizona, New Mexico and Nevada desert country the coming of the Spanish conquistadores from the south and Anglos from the east brought both in conflict with Native Americans who had been there for centuries. The Apaches were one of the most tragic tribes who suffered from this conquest. As it was the intention of both Spanish and Americans to take Apache territory, over a century of conflict ensued between these groups.
Among the many families, tribes and related groups of the Apache, especially the Nnee, there was a mythical spiritual figure know as Changing Woman. This figure was important in Apache symbolism and especially so in the midst of the destruction of Apache life. In this time of troubles the Apache were able to draw inspiration from Changing Woman because their lives and culture were being changed continually.

I like to think the so-called unpredictable nature of women, if there is such a thing, is a blessing both to men and to women. To be able to adapt to changing circumstances, to see the good in the bad, the possible in the impossible, to build on the good and put away the bad, to embrace rather than reject, is to be the leavening, the healer, the mediator, the listener, the forgiver in marriage and family life and in community life. It's what helps tide us over. As it was said of Florence Nightengale as she visited the sick, the wounded and dying during the Civil War, "Make way now for your angel is coming to bless you."

A friendly piece of pastoral advice: Next time there is a disagreement, a conflict, a moment of violence by word and deed in your family life or marriage or between parent and child, or between you and AN ENEMY! put your hand on the face of the other and say, "Make way now for the coming of your angel to bless you."

It works and it doesn't cost a thing, just courage. Respond and I'll tell you how I know.

And What Is So Rare As……

Yes, it’s a comin’ on, June, weddings, showers, receptions. I love these rituals, these gatherings, the fun and romance. In that regard I read now that the average American wedding costs $25,632 exclusive of a wedding planner and other incidentals (from The Wedding Report.) Wedding planners are up 40% from last year. Well, jeepers, I like weddings as much as anyone – I’ve done literally hundreds of them on two continents. I love the rituals, the music, the laughter, the children, the drama, the mishaps, the beauty and pageantry. IF IT JUST WASN’T THAT SO MANY OF THEM ARE DEB AUCHERIES OF EXHORIBANT COSTS, RECKLESS BEHAVIOR, DRUNKENESS AND OBSCENE STUPIDITY. Why can’t a wedding with its profound traditions and ancient symbols, Christian, Jewish or otherwise, be a joining together of that which asks God’s blessings rather than the Devil’s bacchanal? It’s so easy to do it the right way. The wedding planner I talked to for this blog told me she can do a perfectly beautiful, complete wedding with reception for somewhere around $ 5,000. I happen to believe weddings are supposed to be a “mystical union” as the ritual says, rather than a circus spectacle.

I know all the pressures on couples and families to have weddings that “keep up with the Joneses.” Honestly, I’d like to meet the Joneses we’re supposed to keep up with. I suspect they’re probably trying to keep up with us. We know weddings are to honor our children, to given them this special gift, to send them into marriage with many blessings. When I perform weddings, I see things from the front looking out. I am often disheartened from this view when I think I see “the things” of a wedding being substituted for “the spirit” of it.

“And what is so rare as a day in June,
Then, if ever, come perfect days………
Whether we look or whether we listen,
We hear life murmur and see it glisten.”

So, you know what, friends and neighbors? A lawn is a perfect place to hold a wedding. Neither the grass nor the sun nor the breeze nor the smell of the earth charges us a thing for their use. I’ve always thought a lawn was just begging us to use it. And (you can write this down), I’ll even come and do it for you for nothing, just for the joy of it.