I've been reading in Harper's Index that according to surveys taken by VISA, the average donation to Tooth Fairy in 2010 was $3 and has declined so far in 2011 to $2.60. What? What has happened to human decency anyway? What's a respectable Tooth Fairy to do these days, go on welfare? Tooth Fairy is an American invention and institution. Can any of us imagine what our lives would be like if Tooth Fairy emigrated to Monaco? Where will the hopes of children with their precarious front teeth find a new source of inspiration by which to endure the pain and humiliation of a jack-o-lantern face? What will happen to the factories that make the little white boxes in which Tooth Fairy hides extracted teeth until morning? In fact, will there even be a morning for millions of children who know they will wake up to a Tooth Fairyless world? How can this present civilization survive with such hopelessness among our children when the main gift of those children to us has been hope itself? Never ask me to live in a world where an empty gum socket is symbolic of the cruelty and dishonorable penury of the Tooth Rich.
The times call us to arms! Ring the bells, sound the tocsin, cry out a new world crusade for the restoration of benevolence and empathy from those of us who have reaped the joyfulness of Tooth Fairy's gifts and have sown nothing but childhood despair in its place. To arms, all who love children! Let your own memory of 'The Morning After' $3 in the little white box be your guide to a new economic age of Tooth Fairy.